It’s okay today is fragile, tomorrow we rearrange everything so that it becomes whole.
It’s three past fifteen in the morning my eyes still can’t close, Sa. Same as with the night before. But tonight felt even worse. My tears broke can no longer be held. No sound. But her sobs were so heartbreaking. Where did the Strong go? I had so much trouble finding it, until my chest returned to feeling the pain that had not stopped for a long time.
I don’t know how many cups of coffee I drank tonight. Maybe three, four, or five? Ah, I had forgotten. Always hoping that this is the last cup of coffee I drink tonight, but damn, I just add more.
Sa, these past few days my head is bursting again. The wound knife again drew its muzzle just above the wound that had not yet dried.
I’m human. Same with other humans too. My thoughts are also often exaggerated like them. I also need to calm down. I also want someone to say “It’s okay. Nothing. We’ll just skip it all.”
Oh, God, can you hold me? Just for this time. Just a moment. These few days my world seems to be surrounded by blue fire that devours everything. I met again with a fork in the road that made my head hurt, where should my feet go?
I would be lying if I said I was fine in front of everyone. In front of mom. In front of friends. Including in front of myself. A drop or two of those damn tears rolled down my cheeks again.
Oh God, hold me. Just for this time. A moment. It feels like my earth is being forced to paralyze now. I don’t know what to do.
Oh God, hold me. Just for this time. A moment. My wound tree blooms very quickly. Until I have difficulty which air should I breathe now.
Oh God, hold me. Just for this time. A moment. I can no longer tidy up the messy wounds. Why is it so difficult for my calm lego lego to get back in order?
Oh God, hold me. Just for this time. A moment. Even if you can’t hug me, at least give me a strong shoulder like daddy. A shoulder that can accompany me to face all the storms of the world. A shoulder that accompanies me through the dark and bright world. Shoulders so that I can face the hard life that does not always give happiness. I beg you.
